Most new parents do not expect their babies to start having temper tantrums until they reach the "terrible twos."   But most new parents also find that temper tantrums can start as early as 12 months and become regular occurrences between 15 months and 18 months and continue though the second year.   After having an easy newborn period with my first baby, I found dealing with the tantrums of the second year particularly difficult. 

So as a parent who has successfully survived many tantrums I am starting this series on temper tantrums.  There will be plenty of articles on how to deal with tantrums as they are occurring, but this first article is on one technique you can use to prevent tantrums from  occurring. 

Its important to remember that toddlers do not throw temper tantrums to punish you, and you should never take a tantrum personally.  It is developmentally normal for toddlers to cry, scream and throw their bodies on the floor to show their displeasure.  Over the course of the next few years it is your job to teach your toddler the appropriate behavior they should display, when for example, you think your 18 month old should actually wear some clothes and he would rather be naked all day long.

Ok, so one really effective and easy way at reducing the number of temper tantrums your toddler is having is simply to talk to your toddler about his/her day.  One of the reasons toddlers have so many tantrums is that they have no control over their lives, they are abruptly moved about from place to place with no warning. 

He doesn't know why you suddenly picked him up and tried to put on his winter coat when he was having a good time playing with his toys, or why after he enjoyed that cookie so much you won't give him another one.

Your toddler understands a lot more than he/she can actually speak.  Even if your toddler can't speak at all yet, he will understand you if you talk to him.  Give him a 10 minute warning before you take him out of the house for music class.   Explain before you give him his first cookie that he will only have one.

Try something like this:

If you are not used to talking to your toddler in this way, I know it may feel strange at first, but once you start doing this you really will see better behavior in your toddler.  And as an added bonus, it will help his language development. 

Other good times you can "talk" to your toddler are:

• First thing in the morning you can talk about what activities you will be doing that day
• Before bed you can talk about what activities you will be doing the next day
• In the car while driving you can talk about where you are going
• During meal times while he is in his high chair and you have his attention

I would love to hear if this technique is successful for you.  Try it out for a week and come back and leave a comment letting me know.  Also stay tuned for more articles in this series about temper tantrums, and sign up for the newsletter if you would like to be notified when more articles are published.